Simple Selfcare for New Parents
Congratulations! You are a parent!
Whether it is your first child or your twenty first child, whether you are a birth mother, a father, a foster parent, an adoptive parent or a step parent, it is one of the craziest rides we will ever go on right?!
Now, we are fortunate to live in a time where we have some amazing resources available at the touch of a button or a swipe of a screen, doula’s, hypnobirthing classes, lactation consultants, sleep consultants, countless platforms (can’t forget good old social media!) and advice as to how to do this parenting stuff!
Or……..does all of this available and often conflicting information actually become overwhelming leaving you all tied up in knots as to how to be the best parent you possibly can?
If you are with me….keep reading! I’ve got you!
When my son was born in 2017 I suffered from Post Partum Depression, this was not my first rodeo with regards to mental health challenges but it was the catalyst to getting on top of my mental and physical health. All that I have learned and implemented since then now provides the foundations of my day to day wellbeing.
I call it Simple, Sustainable Selfcare.
SIMPLE because navigating a new arrival and the dynamics of day to day life does not always lend well to complex, lengthy, expensive care plans or retreats in the Maldives (although that would help a little right?)
SUSTAINABLE because we all know that committing and overextending our intentions (think New Year's Resolutions, the cabbage soup diets and gym sessions five days a week, never to allow a bit of chocolate to pass our lips again!) often result in disappointment when we do not maintain our wonderful plans and goals.
SELFCARE because this all starts with YOU! Yes I know you have a wee one to look after but like the pilot says on the flight “you must put your oxygen mask on first.”
The heart of all of this is the concept that we each have Six Human Needs which are:
Certainty: The assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
Variety: The need for the unknown, new stimulus
Significance: Feeling unique, important, special or needed
Love and Connection: Closeness or union with someone or something
Growth: Expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
Contribution: A sense of service and focus giving to and supporting others
By understanding this concept and identifying what your Driving (main) Human Need is (there is a cool quiz to help you do so in the online course Stepping Into Parenthood) you can then implement daily habits best suited to you and your family.
For example:
We have a meal plan and schedule on our fridge that we prepare on a Saturday or Sunday to help the week go smoothly and to avoid that annoying daily conversation of “What do you want for dinner?” Seriously, how much time have we all spent with the “I don't know babe, what do you fancy?” ‘ I don't know, you decide” Resulting in getting hangry as no one makes a decision only to order pizza again!
By having an idea in advance it will clear some brain space, reduce overspending on food that goes to waste, holds you accountable to eating a little healthier and helps with the budget as you do not waste so many dollar bucks!
Having a schedule helps us to manage our time more effectively and whilst we put the daily commitments and appointments on there it also gives us the opportunity to write our intentions for our own Self Care. As parents we are always advised to prioritise date nights and time together as a couple (not disputing that) however it is also important to prioritise time for what gives you a little recharge. We each like to go and grab a bite to eat and a movie…..alone! Just an idea!
These small weekly habits meet our Human Need for Certainty.
Some ideas for meeting the other Human Needs could be:
Variety: Exploring new places (go for a walk in a different place) with your little one(s) or meeting new social groups.
Significance: Exploring the Five Love Languages to help you acknowledge each other's contributions in a way that helps each of you to feel valued.
Love and Connection: Making sure you talk to family and friends, time can seem to fly by when looking after children but being intentional with communications whether in person, video calls or even setting up a whatsapp group can help you feel less isolated.
Growth: As we immerse ourselves into being a parent we can often forget about our own growth. Working, studying, reading, listening to podcasts…..anything that engages your own brain is important to meet this need.
Contribution: By raising a human being you pretty much have this one covered but if you still feel that itch needs scratched perhaps you could volunteer to help someone using your own skill set.
These are simple ideas and this list is by no means exhaustive!
By cultivating a lifestyle where each member of the household identifies and meets their Human Needs you will find the impact on your parenting, your relationships, your mood, your clarity, your mental and physical wellbeing are pretty cool!
It is a bit like a jigsaw, a combination of lots of small pieces that when put together can create a beautiful end result.
Of course you will have to revisit this from time to time, as your child grows and changes so do your routines and habits.
This concept is not to remove the challenging times as a parent as that is not realistic, the power that it carries is the ability to navigate the challenging times with a little more understanding as to how to best support yourself during these times.
Oh and one more thing……….
You are doing better than you think! xx